Today's the day. Labels: armyboy
there's this multitude of conflicting feelings in me right now.
I really wonder if the level of interest reflects the importance of a person.
If so, it is quite a moment of realisation to me.
I wouldn't say I'm filled with trepidation at the fact mr choir boy is going to live army life which in fact he is actually okay wif. haha.
I guess its the alienation from reality.
Or rather, the rate at which painstakingly and carefully formed relationships/friendships disintegrate exponentially.
Its just disturbing isn't it.
I'm really praying that I'll get good buddies tomorrow.
Buddies I can count on for life (or so I've heard).
Its just not the same without those old friends. (as much as I don't show it)
Sometimes in life when a sacred place of yours gets violated, it really affects you a lot because it becomes a scary place instead of a safe haven.
And those who intrude upon these lands of others and cause invisible scars should burn.
May the long arm of justice spank their asses and smite them with its wrath.
Maybe their red stinging (colouredbuttcheeks) would teach them to spare a thought for others.
Time will pass, and the water that flows from time's fountain will slowly clean the wound. Scars may remain but what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger.
Scars are there to remind us that we've been through it and we're stronger now.
Sorry I did the best I could. I'm okay with that side of yours, I just hope that it will not hurt that much after some time.
Stay strong =)
autumn leaves.
falling upon my window.
how short a life you have, how fast your colours change.
as you floated gently downwards, carelessly tossed around by the wind
you bore such semblance to the past.
then it wanders off to the other side.
and you wish that if only there could be congruity between.
maybe it never was fall over on the other side.
only spring without shadows.
i asked if the tree was too bare.
you said it has to be that way.
and so it was like the autumn fall.
the end of the year and you said it was spring.
I thought the winter had came but now the sun melted the winter gloom.
trying trying is all I thought what's going to happen.
but sometimes I really don't know what to believe in anymore.
maybe its right. its only going to be winter and spring over at the other side.
acceptance, where is it where you need it most.
perhaps hidden among the labyrinth of jungles I would be mindlessly trudging along soon.
now would it matter for the one in spring I wonder.
maybe its pre-ns syndrome.
it feels as though the whole world has moved on from you, i'm like this fool holding on to it.
No wait, what's left to hold on?
zzz
one day i'm going to learn how to feel no hurt or pity when people leave.
maybe tt will render me unable to cherish anyone while they're around too.
but well, since when did it really matter to anyone anyways.
hahas emo emo post.
well time to go sleep.
Enchanted really has some nice songs inside.
'So Close' just plays itself over and over again in my head.
no idea why, or maybe its cause it feels so familiar.
2 long days of caroling and more to go.
Carols are fun but it just doesn't feel that great as the years go by.
Its weird being all chatty and high but yet deep inside, you know you're nowhere.
Kinda tiring to try to be somewhere but nowhere haha.
Maybe looking happy makes people think you're really happy eh =)
Army looms ahead, although there's this sense of trepidation and uncertainty, I think I would rather go army then to stay here.
Lost and not belonging anywhere.
Oh well but singing really makes things easier I guess.
At least I don't haf to think of who to talk to next, what to do or whether I should just give up and sit alone and then realise how nobody would actually bother to talk to you lol.
Sad but yeah.
thankfully there's still you. =)
So Close
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting,
waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
A really nice song that melts anyone who listens to it.
And so it went round and round again. Labels: world weariness.
I used to believe what goes around comes around.
Then again, why do you get so disappointed time and time again when you realise that if you don't belong to someone else's world, no matter how much effort you put in, it just never comes back.
And so my bubble bursted right in my face once again.
Its kind of too late, and something inside me tells me I'll regret it.
People often forget what you have said to them or done for them, but they will never forget how you made them feel.
What if you made them feel uncomfortable even though you've tried so hard to make it feel all so right?
Its sad to realise that you're nowhere after so long, only to find out that the people you once strayed away from are the people whom will always care for you.
Will it be too late to get it all back now?
Had a good time with huping wanting yizha jerrold today.
Thank you guys a lot =)
Thank you edwin leonard wen qin too, although I never seem to show it, it seems like wherever I end up you guys are still around all the itme.
Been really busy preparing for so many millions of things till I don't even know what's going on in my life.
Dealing with the pressure, and the stray festering emotions from the past just isn't that easy.
Somehow moving on from and letting something that was such a big part of my life this year is just hard.
Worse when now its just blatant isolation and alienation.
Is it all just my fault?
Doubt you'll ever be bothered anyways. (and still here am I being the world's greatest idiot by even thinking about it)
Everything's just in a flurry, and in a flash my voice exam's gonna come and go and soon its going to be christmas time.
Reading other people's blogs and all and how everyone's having the time of their lives just makes me realise that maybe Year 2s aren't feeling the same way at all.
I don't even know if christmas this year and all the caroling will feel good anymore. Everything you see around you just kinda tells you that you're out of the main picture already.
You're just another random person now. Far cry from what just seems like a short period of a few months ago.
Why bother to work your way through into their lives now?
Only to realise you're part of nobody's lives?
That's me, I realised.
Everywhere, but nowhere at the same time.
All this time, being a little everywhere, but ultimately not part of anyone's lives.
That's just pretty sad isn't it?
You know it happens when you never show up in people's minds when they are asked to think of someone close.
Could this be pre NS syndrome? haha
When you worry about everything falling apart and you panic, trying to hold them together but you realise there are simply too many cracks.
I'm coming to a standstill, to the split in the crossroads that has no direction signs.
Is this all meant to be this way?
I'm trying to just relax and stay positive but all the signs just makes it all so daunting and discouraging.
I'm just trying so hard not to think about it but sometimes its just worse when everything starts coming back and you crumble from the epiphany.
So much for an emo post.
I'll just have to decide if its worth it to go on.
I'm sorry to those I'll disappoint but maybe this is what I should have done all along.
Finally 18. A step closer to being an adult.
I had fun today I guess.
Thanks to so many people who wished me and even more to those who spent time and effort to give me a present =)
I guess my birthday wish didn't exactly come true but I'm pretty relieved and happy today.
THANK YOU PEOPLE ! =)
you know. it'll be really good if things would just finally be happy.
I'm really tired of this and I just wanna feel happy and normal with you once again.
If only you would know this and do something about it.
Still waiting perhaps?
Or should I have let go long ago already.
SOV' 07 ended on tuesday. I thought I would have cried, but I realised my heart was already hurt and it couldn't feel any more pain.
I thought I would feel like I was going to die when I know I'm going to part with the people I've gone through so much with.
It didn't feel that bad, or perhaps I'm too caught up in myself to feel anything much.
I know when I realise that they are no longer here and around my life, I will start to miss them and all the good things they have given me.
Someway or another, I really enjoyed Vjchoir '06-'07 and I know a huge chunk of myself will be gone when I stop singing.
Suddenly the emptiness is so overwhelming I found out that I don't really know myself after all.
What I have been doing, what I've been thinking.
You came, and I was overwhelmed to the point my life never was the same.
But reality had to come crashing down on us, and perhaps we realise this was only a dream, at least it was a beautiful one to me.
You've let go haven't you? You're just too afraid to tell me to wake up.
I'm really tired. When I got back to school and I saw how much I missed, it almost feels as though I should give up studying cos I can't catch up anyways. I feel so tired and I don't feel like trying so hard anymore. Somehow its during these times when you just feel so alone and you just feel so terrible pushing on with daily life not knowing what you've been doing. I think I was so afraid of being lost I tried to hang on to people or things which couldn't be constant at all.
Why am I so stupid? Everytime I tried to hold on, it was gone.
Why must everything around me fluctuate so much?
Its hard to concentrate on my studies when everything around me isn't a constant and I don't have time to wait for that to happen.
There's so much work for me to do now I just feel like knocking myself out and sleep for a year or smth.
Sometimes I think maybe I really need someone or people to bring me out and motivate me but I know tt's just running away and what the problem really lies is with me.
If I could only be really selfish, I really hope something life changing can happen to me right now and set me back on the right track.
When a flower blooms, does it mean it is going to die?
it is just like a flower. You and me.
its budding moment draws upon tenderness and happiness from those who await its bloom.
There was love and care showered upon it, and it slowly grew in time.
Yet in my reckless anxiety to see it bloom, I tried to open it with my bare hands to witness its beauty.
All that happened after that was a strained flower that struggled to live and it made me feel so sad.
What would have happened if I let it bloom by itself?
It pains me so to know perhaps it is going to die.
How can I keep it alive? I really wonder.
If you ever see this and you want to keep this flower alive. Please tell me so.
-Me-
Danny Wong
04.07.89
holy innocent's pri.xinmin sec. vjc.
Vjchoir! =D
Share your thoughts...