I've just come to realise that Junior College life is probably going to be one of the most depressing phases of my life. All these hopes of forging new and stronger friendships, finding someone I can be there for, singing in a famous choir and studying in a great school and all were just ... deceiving.
3 months of just swimming around, lost and all. I tried holding on the a hand outstretched to me, but I'm starting to realise perhaps she never wanted to hold on to me for so long and I'm just clinging on too hard. I feel bloody insecure, and it so happens that I turn extremely fearful and paranoid when I am. After knowing and realising all the things I've been centering my life around for the past few months wasn't real. Everything's like shifting damned fast
and nothing's constant. There isn't friends whom I know will stay constant and all around me all the time. I so miss xinmin sometimes, how cosy and warm it is cause I know I'm safe and happy back then. Amer told me I shouldn't be living in the past, but its really hard especially when there isn't really many people who's like helping you in the harsh environment out here.
Its been sucha bad month, hard time fitting in new class, choir and all. Sigh. All it manages to remind me is how I'm so bad at simple things and I'm just simply lousier that I think I am. It's just so unfair, even when people tell you that you're fine and you're okay and all but at the end of the day when you get closer to them you'll know they're just lying. I can't deceive myself any longer cause it really hurts like shit when I found out the truth after that.
I really feel like killing myself, so frustrating and painful.
Argh.
-Me-
Danny Wong
04.07.89
holy innocent's pri.xinmin sec. vjc.
Vjchoir! =D
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