superman.
Yeah I know a brand new year has started and I'm supposed to somehow blog about it and stuff. Haven't really got out of the party mood ever since the holidays ended. Sigh, all I had was just a miserable 1++ month of partys and stayovers etc etc before I'm back as a slave of education again.
Well Vjc orientation has been kinda great I guess, I'm in Valhalla vonder women! hehx =P Realised half my group are dunmen people, all the smart people lolx. Lucky I met jerrold and so I could kinda talk well to them and stuff. Well I certainly experienced what victorians meant by playing hard but I'm certainly not looking forward to know how they study hard too. lolx. I AM feeling the stress around already man. It's just starting to give me all the jitters and uneasiness man, crap. I realised I don't exactly LOVE making countless new friends as many of my friends would think I would. It's just such a difficult thing to do, you know... Everyone's just so different, and to adapt and fit into each other's lifestyles is like piecing a twenty thousand jigsaw piece together. When I make new friends and I attempt to get them to know them together, its like treading on unknown waters. You don't even know what they're thinking of, but I've had good luck on this and met kinda great people =D
Leaving my comfort zone was no mean feat okay. I don't even know if I'm able to survive in my new school. Everyone just seems scary. REAL scary. One talk on the school syllabus and I thought someone as stupid as me would probably get crushed under this pressure. Okay maybe I'm just being stupid and trying to act scared and stuff. But something just feels uneasy inside me. I can't help it right? How in the world do you stop feeling inferior when practically everyone around you are either richer, smarter, better-looking or all of the above? Usually I'll tell myself that inner beauty will do, and that little hope within me will tell me I'm alright and I'm just the same as everyone. Well tt's what that little hope within me told me when I got bad results and it certainly got me into some trouble with my parents. hahas.
Its really pretty sad lah, maybe I should have asked my parents to change my genes so that I'll be better looking and smarter and get better results. hahas. okay okay I know, inner beauty is best. Maybe I should stop getting trapped in this senseless desire to be the society ideal. Get a move on danny. lolx. Shouldn't waste time on all this since I don't know how much time I'll still have. sixty years? or sixty days? hahax.
Seems like most people aren't really used to me talking too much to them, I'm starting to feel a little scared that I'm actually irritating people instead. Think I'm just being paranoid. Can't stand it. What happened to the confident talkative me man. lolx.
There's always another side in everyone, a side that shows their fears and worries, something we don't see in everyday life. Some people think its alright to show it since it's part of human nature. Don't know what's happening to me lately, but I'm starting to get really careful as to who I'm opening up to and what do I say. Even at this point of time I'm actually careful as to what I say cause I ain't wanna make people think I'm someone just full of fears and paranoia. That's why the song superman lately kinda appealed to my soul. Even superman bleeds, even hitler would have his fears and worries. I'm guess I got a little scare of the complexity of human nature ever since I joined the choir a couple of months back then. I really hope the bond with my secondary school friends stays as strong as always, getting thrown into an unknown environment has really made me miss my old friends more than ever.
I don't know if it was right back then, but now I'm really wondering if I should have stopped way back then. I don't know if I'm regretting it or not, but I guess you didn't leave me with any choice anyways. Its probably just my fault, I never was, and never will be good enough for you. sigh.
-Me-
Danny Wong
04.07.89
holy innocent's pri.xinmin sec. vjc.
Vjchoir! =D
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