Beautiful disaster

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

I tried to go on like I never knew you. Even though it probably wouldn't work. hehx.

You know there is always this hope in us, something optimistic in us that always prays for the better.
Whenever you take an exam, this hope will tell you that you would do okay after all.
Or just like when you like someone, hope will always tell you that maybe he/she does actually like you a little too.

It's all a lie , just like everything else in this world.
Hope gives your heart something to pine for, something to live for.
But when your hopes are dashed, you feel like dwell into some hole and wish you were never born. Maybe not that bad but you know, something like that.

It's because there's this hope in all of us, that maybe we're not so ugly, maybe we're not so short or maybe we're not tt fat? But based on my experience, I'm pretty convinced they're oh so fake.
Most of the times it is friends that give you this hope, by telling you 'hey danny actually you're not that _____". Then SOMETIMES, or actually when I was more naive back then, I'll go home thinking okay, maybe they're right.
Then when you're closer to them, they'll move away.
So next time if your so-so friend tells you hey you're not that bad etc etc. Somehow only half of the time it's true. Only close frinds would actually tell you the real thing, if not then they're not real.
What's most irritating about this hope, which actually gives me the motivation to go on sometimes is that when you realise there was NO hope in the first place, your world crashes down on you like a 10-ton hippo.

So what do I do? With no hope, I wouldn't tell myself, hey actually you're not such a failure. I wouldn't say, hey actually you're just great, as long you're not evil to others, others won't be evil to you.

But HEY, think AGAIN. Is that actually true?

But with no hope I'll just be an empty shell cause I wouldn't do anything at all cause I know I'll just probably suck at it as usual.

So is this little optimistic hope inside us the devil or the angel?
I guess only you yourself can answer this question.

I would really think it's an angel. But but but, there so many uncountable times where I believed blindly on this hope and ending up like a freaking @#$!#$ fool. Because all along, people only treated you like some dancing clown, what you thought wasn't what is actually happening in reality.

Fark, that's when you feel quite very super ultra extremely ultimately @#&*&^&*ly cheated. Then you feel like plunging this 10cm knife into yourself but you realise if you don't die commiting suicide, you'll get jailed. So when you try to die, make sure you actually do.

Nono, I'm not planning to die. My family loves me, I haf great friends. I wouldn't wanna die without actually repaying them back first. hahax. No free lunch in this world mah, you must repay good deeds ppl do to you, no matter how long you take to repay.

And so talking about hope. What can we do to solve this problem? Nothing.
You'll probably die of brain hamorrhage or something.

I've got a simple solution, when you don't desire, you won't feel the pain when nothing happens in the end. That's it =D

Of course I'm just talking crap cause I can't do it myself. I'm not ready to be a monk and detach myself from worldly desires yet, plus I'll look horrendously hideous with no hair on my head.

That's why you blog you see? You talk crap, people agree/disagree with your twisted theories and they start flaming you on your tagboard and phone their lawyers. That's what everyone does whenever they're under fire.

With the misleading media giving me HOPE that I can actually one day, find somewhere where I can live in a less complicated world where there's peace between neighbours, free from influences from lust, money, TV, and those butt shaking, boob-baring singers out there today.

They probably just good for you to oogle and drip some of your body fluid at the edge of your mouths but they're actually just thrash when it comes to singing.

I guess I'll just be contented with what I have now. There CAN be miracles, when you believe =D I do believe you know, that I'm at least meant for something to contribute to the world before 60 years or so fly by and I'll be turned into an urn of pathetic dust.

Maybe I should get a Ph.D in Self Delusion Therapy or something. Hmm...

# | 2:17 PM |

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