30th may approaches, the day for the O level chinese exams.
Part of me still remains in self-denial, refusing to succumb to the fact of settling down to study hard for the exams. The other parts worries about not getting results good enough to score a distinction.
In the end it all boils down to the fact that I'm just lazy and I opt for the easiest way out. This is tou ji qu qiao in chinese. lolx.
Exams do have one advantage though, they tire you out and suck out all you have, leaving you too tired to brood on things.
I don't like this feeling, the feeling of being led around and being unaware of what's happening. Studying takes your mind off everything, which has its pros and cons. Okay I think I'm not exactly making any sense here.
My mind's in a mess.
The results from the exams really have adverse effects.
Subjects you once thought you were good in suddenly hit rock bottom (maybe not tt low)
Yet subjects you all along were weak in suddenly took a swerve for the better. Is that good or bad? Perhaps it's fated that no matter what I do, I'll end up with the same L1R5.
I'm kinda experiencing the blogger's block, or maybe my faith in my english has dipped ever since I didn't get as much as I thought I would get.
Sigh, that's the adverse effects I was talking about. Now I kinda lost faith in my languages.
What a great period for that to occur yeah? especially when the following monday is chinese O levels.
Up till today I refuse to accept the fact that being good in studies will make you superior compared to others.
But when I look at the application form which requires my school results, I sigh in shame.
I don't score a endless string of D7s, but it's the fact that I don't score a string of A1s tt worries me. The world practices pragmatism, they don't keep people who are of no use. I often end up worrying, what if I'm not up to the standard? What if I'm just cut out to be some nobody that does insignificant things.
There's just this part of me that would only be satisfied doing 'big' things that contrasts me from the rest of the crowd. Too bad this ambitious part of me is backed up by a disappointing useless half that doesn't like to work as hard as I should.
It's precisely because people value academic capabilities too much in Singapore that all other talents are simply ignord.
To them, high results = smart and good.
I'm not surprised if we grow up to think that way, after being brainwashed for as long as we could remember.
That's why I wory, if I will ruined by my not so outstanding results.
Thanks to the stereotyped environment I live in.
Enough of complaining. My DISC report says I tend to be complacent. I say it seems to be true. Oh wellx. Sorry if it was a boring and lousy piece of entry I got here.
-Me-
Danny Wong
04.07.89
holy innocent's pri.xinmin sec. vjc.
Vjchoir! =D
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