Beautiful disaster

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Finally back from a slumber that seemed, endless...

The holidays have been great, but it all seemed like a dream, whizzing past like the swift sea breeze.

I've been to camps and chalets, I've learnt things i never thought i would, well, at last this holidays have been great.

Let's talk about the SL camp yeah?
It was something totally different, I never had a chance to lead a group, but i'm glad i'm given the chance to. My group was a very close one, even thought there was some disputes at first, they were all ironed out in a jiffy. hahax. It was very memorable, of how my group even listened to some stupid lame stupid crapper like me. It gave me a sense of satisfaction you know? To lead a group that moved as one and won as one. Lolx, Adriano RawkS~! No denying about that. hahax. It was something really worth remembering. Even though I probably played a part that was not that significant. hahax.

Choir's been great, I'm still trying to get used to deciding everything and things like that. I've been trying to think of things to help the choir though, but so very sadly, the world isn't perfect, and so comes along some people who tries to ruin it all. I'm dissapointed actually. I was really happy with the sec 1 and 2s at first, cos even though they may not sing as well as the sec 3 gals *hint hint*, their attitude and mindset was ten times better. During the third week, the first practice the girls came back, but they sat around and said they wanted to listen to the lower sec cause they sucked. Well, i wouldn't blame them for no initiative cause i think I might just do that same. But guess wad? During the second session, they did try to help but when it came to the running part. Disaster struck. During the singing part, the sec 1s and 2s were already putting more effort than them. But coming to the running part. The sec 3 girls were complaining loudly, yakking here and there. Worse still, there was this selfish bit** who scolded me. Reason why? because she doesn't want to run. I'm totally disgusted man. TOTALLY. I made the choir run because we need to get in shape so that we are in better shape to clinch the gold all of us want so much. BUT YOU!? you care about ur stupid bitch face and don't wanna run cos of what? URSELF, that's so bloody selfish man. So what if running's tiring, I RUN TOO. So what the hell are you trying to tell me? That i'm wrong to do something that would benefit the choir, or that you're just a boody bit** that is too boody selfish to even run for the choir. Oh my gosh man, and guess what, even my OWN committee has people like that. I'm terribly disgusted and disapointed. I guess when they see this they're probably so pissed off and they're gonna say bad things about me again, but who cares. I was pissed man, real pissed.

okay enuff of that. At least I had the chalet! lolx, thanks to edz~!
It was great i guess, I had a big tan. Although edz was quite pissed of cos the media club people didn't have any initiative to do stuff. but end up me, edwin and ben huang went to barbecue ourselves and ate like mad. It was great man, dipping the stuff into sauces and eating and eating. Felt great. lolx. Even though there was NO sun for the sun rise, so stupid.

Hahax,in a blink of an eye, the holidays are over. haish..

I wasn't feeling that lonely after the holidays, I felt that at least I had friends who cared. I hope so though. I'm very afraid that all I trust is just a facade, that would fade and dissapear when I try to fall back on it. Haish!I've kinda given up on looking for someone to pick me up when i'm down, someone for me to look out for everything I do. Everything seems vague, I can't understand why people are SO so so fake, they switch around like a chameleon. I can't understand them, are they just putting up a show?

Sad.

Well, at least I saw this really really pretty girl in white when I was studying in hougang mall yesterday. She looked like an angel would pretty eyes, red lips and long hair. Ahh.. she was really pretty. But i guess it's all just a dream. After all, what's not a dream? I'm trying to forget about her but well, hope i can. It's torturing to see how life makes fun of you, leaves you alone at the corner to feel lonely and stuff. Is finding someone to walk this long and ardous journey so difficult? I guess it really is.

I'm dreading the return of school
for the first time.
The past i looked forward to seeing all my friends, all my friends that i trusted and thought would trust me too.
I'm wrong, I'm just a clown that people play around with.
But i take solace in the fact that I have my close friends, and my music that may not seem great, but at least it gives me meaning in life, something to work for and enjoy.
Help me =(
I'm feeling lost again
I can't stop contradicting myself.
I will pull through, alone or not.
I will.

# | 11:35 PM |

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